Tick, tick, tick…
The baby is down for a nap. This one usually lasts 30 minutes and it has taken me 10 minutes to get laundry on, dinner organized and settled in this rocking chair with my tunes playing at just the right volume (Ray La Montagne Pandora station).Here, now, present. This blog. I want to write but just cant seem to pin my butt in a seat long enough to get anything of substance. I’ve been told to just discipline myself.
Present, Here, Now.
Well what a day! Mid February, New England, and it’s sunny and warm (high 50′s)! This wasn’t the winter I was expecting, but it is the winter I’ve wished for. Can my wishes really change the seasons? Some people are upset because they think Global Warming is to blame. I don’t know, but this year, in the circumstances I’m in, I’m very happy its warmer than usual. Here I am 3000 miles away from my family with my four month old daughter and attempting to train for the Olympics this Summer in London. I’m lucky to have a loving and supportive husband but since he works from 9-6, I’m forced to train around that schedule. That’s fine, but when he has to work on some Believe I Am business before his normal workday (which means I can’t get out for my run early), I’m soooo lucky to have my Mountain Buggy baby jogger at the ready. So on a day like today, when its sunny and 56 out, an hour run on the bike path with my baby girl brings me great joy. She’s getting her fresh-air and I’m getting my training in. We make it work. When I don’t have a babysitter on the ready for last minute schedule changes, the jogger really saves the day!
So I’m back into training & hoping to make my second Olympics. I want to defy the theory that in order to be the best you can be at something (i.e. running), you have to be fully self-absorbed with single-minded focus in order to achieve your dream. I went to the Beijing Olympics in 2008 and fulfilled a lifelong dream. However, it didn’t give me the lasting satisfaction you would imagine such a goal would. Instead, I was left exhausted and thinking “Now what?” Well I got my answer: I over-trained my body and was forced to take a break. During that time off I had the time to realign myself and the energy to get married and start a family and a business (the last two in the same month). Now I feel very balanced (albeit busy) and content. I don’t “need” to make the Olympics. I don’t have what Buddhists call “attachment” to my training and racing (although I’m sure it will creep in from time to time.) I do want to make the Olympics and I’ll train hard every day, I’ll eat right, I’ll sleep right, I’ll do my core and my physio and my mental training. But my self-worth wont be tied up in a time on a clock on an oval track. Does having a family and being balanced mean I’m less hungry or have lost the edge? I am willing to test this out. So far I feel good and I’m getting fitter every week, so who knows? What I do know is, when I’ve chosen to listen to my heart and my instincts, I’ve been more balanced, happy and ultimately successful.
I'll look at Lo’s drawing of a tall rooted tree and use it as cue to remind me that when I’m dreaming of the future & making plans, I must remember to really only focus on the present, the here & now so that I make sure I do not miss one teeny tiny precious moment….
Bring on the next 6 months.
Gotta go… The baby is waking!